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The Power of Unlearning

You are not married to anything you have been taught.

Have you ever been held in a chokehold by something?

I know I have.

Okay back up, context is needed.

When I say “held in a chokehold by something” I am referring to your mindset being held by a certain thought, idea, belief — whatever you want to name it — that does nothing but hold you back.

Take me, for example. I have always been an incredibly ambitious person — it’s hard to not go through a day without my brain bustling with exciting ideas and directions I’d like to take in my career.

Yet, I constantly allow this thing called doubt (you might have heard of it) to stand in my way. It convinces me that I can’t and/or won’t achieve what I want, so then when I do achieve these things, it’s the weirdest feeling ever.

It’s important to realise, however, that these thoughts don’t just come out of nowhere. You don’t just wake up one day with a belief that serves to keep you from moving forward.

Somewhere down the line, at least one person made you feel that way.

Sticking with the example I just gave, if you have spent most of your life believing that you cannot achieve all the many things you would like to, I can guarantee that this idea has been drilled into you by family members, friends or random strangers, maybe even all of them. But somebody nonetheless.

As a result, you have allowed this viewpoint to become your truth and your reality.

Therefore, you are missing out on a crucial part of your life: the part that is you actively seeking your dreams and ambitions, making moves and trying your utmost hardest to get to the places you want to be.

These beliefs from other people are holding you back from becoming your best self. The only way to break free from this and begin to move forward is to unlearn all of this negativity and start instilling positive thoughts into your head.

You are the only one who can get you to the places you need to be. It starts with you, in your head, and you need to wholeheartedly believe in yourself because this is what will encourage you to really try for the things you believe you deserve.

You need to believe you deserve it.

So it is mandatory for you to rid yourself of all the comments that have done nothing but set you back. Unlearn them, and begin a clean slate in your head filled with the love you need to pour into yourself for you to believe you are worth it.

And this doesn’t just go for dreams and ambitions.

Many people are riddled with insecurities that may have come from numerous sources including the ones listed above, and whether people are aware or not, insecurities do hold us back.

Whether it is an individual believing they are ugly, believing they are not smart, or believing that their weight is unattractive.

In some extreme cases, mindsets could go as far as a person believing they are unworthy or unlovable, which is hugely linked to a negative sense of worth and self-hate.

All of these notions that you can hold towards yourself find a way to straddle you to be kept in the exact same position you were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago.

You believe that you are ugly so you don’t try to accept romantic love into your life, or you believe that you are unworthy so you allow people to treat you like you are.

The more you continue giving these thoughts permission to run through your mind, they will also consistently control your life and prevent you from moving forward.

It will also affect other areas of your life ranging from career to family to friendships.

Of course, it is not easy to dismantle these feelings and be free of them, but it is definitely important to start and the best way to do this is to uncover exactly why you are feeling that way.

I can confidently say that speaking to a therapist is a very good way to really break this down; I found myself being enlightened in several of my sessions, and eager to rid myself of these unfavourable ideas.

But if you can’t or won’t do therapy, then recognise this:

These things are not just innate within us, they are taught and they are learnt — who taught you to feel that you are unlovable? Whose actions have led to you believing that you are not good enough or that you are not smart?

Think back deeply to when you first began to think these things about yourself, and who or what were the causes of this. Then, you can begin working on how to completely lose this investment with the self-hate, teach yourself the exact opposite, and thus become whole with yourself. It is the only way you will be able to move forward.

This isn’t just about your beliefs and relationship with yourself, though.

Almost everything awful in life, something detrimental that a person believes, or something completely untoward that has become entrenched into somebody’s mindset has been learnt by them in some way:

Racism; homophobia; Islamophobia; sexism; being a bully; the act of inciting violence unto people; even milder things like thinking that a University graduate is superior to somebody who didn’t go; believing that people who sleep on the streets are dirty; concluding that nobody owes you anything in life — these things have all been taught and therefore learnt in some way.

You do not just escape from the womb with these thoughts in your mind, it is indoctrinated into you at some point in your life, and whether you know it or not it only serves to hold you back from progressing in the way you could.

Yes, of course, there are probably some racists that are flourishing.

Unlearning is not all about ridding yourself of toxic beliefs so that you can flourish; this is not a lesson on karma and who it can, can not, will and will not touch within their lifetime as I genuinely cannot assess that.

Instead, I am of the belief that if you want to be the best version of yourself you can be, and you want to feel good within yourself because you know that your heart is genuinely pure, you have to agree with this.

Your heart cannot be pure if you are a racist, an Islamaphobe, or somebody that looks down on those less fortunate than them.

Your heart cannot be pure if you are holding hatred in it for groups of people that have essentially done nothing to you, and have come into this world just as you did; they were not born unto a different dimension for the inferior.

They are just like you, were conceived just like you, born just like you, had to navigate their way around the world and grow just like you.

So what makes you any better than them? What makes them any worse than you?

Whichever answer a person with hate in their heart has for either question, it will only be linked back to what they have been taught.

Somebody made them believe that this skin tone is bad or that religion is bad for whatever reason, and they have decided to run with that and hold that in their entire being, which is, in turn, preventing them from being the best version of themselves they can be.

Because hatred is not pure, and hatred is not beneficial for growth.

It wears you down, it makes you angry, it makes you spout out words that are hurtful, and it makes you act in ways that harm others and probably only serve you temporary pleasure.

And it shows.

To everybody, it shows.

And it is not a pretty sight.

This is why it is so important to unlearn all of those ideologies behind your hatred in the first place because once you do this, and you actually start seeing people for the equals that they are, I can promise you will feel lighter.

You will feel happier, you will feel better within yourself, and you will have more time to focus on your life and where you want to go with it, the person you are and your heart.

It takes a lot of patience though. A lot of work. A lot of confusion. You’ll be coming to terms with the fact that you’re giving yourself permission to completely do a 180 on what you always believed to be true.

But just think about this:

No matter what it is that you need to unlearn, once you do it you will not be driven by the obstacle of fear, doubt or contempt any longer. You will wonder why you ever allowed yourself to learn such types of mindsets anyway.

In order to be the best version of yourself and to move forward in life, you must unlearn.

Unlearn all the negativity and see just how much you can get done with positivity surrounding you.

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