Acceptance

We all fight it. Change.

It comes in like a hurricane in some cases and in others, like a trickle of water. Forcing us to examine our views, ideas and routines created for comfort. The human condition is to keep life as stable as possible, to ensure maximum movement through life. Change however, is the opposite. Murphy’s law. It’s essentially every moment being chaotic in some way or form. And we resist that chaos.

I, for one, am the worst when it comes to change. I’m not sure where my resistance began, but I’ve been known to on more than a few occasions to have serious meltdowns because I couldn’t deal with change.

Change in schedule, change in travel plans, change leading to missing a movie/theatre/concert. And I’m sure my friends and family could name many more.

Lately, I’ve been working on mindfulness, and the idea of being aware of our thoughts, emotions, actions, and to assess why we get so agitated over change. And as changes occur, the underlying issue of resistance for me has been fear; fear of something different than what I know or feel.

From having a lover drop me in a moment, to dates not going as anticipated, family members undergoing surgeries, to an associate leaving on short notice. My mind has been full of fear from so many angles.

|Fear of being alone, not being enough; fear of being left behind, of not being successful or managing my current level of work success.|

And as I unravel each change and underlying fear, I have moments of anxiety and of feeling overwhelmed. This has been taking up mental space that I need for my creative works, business, and personal life.

Understanding that fear was creating this resistance, I chose to now work through it differently. To accept it and work out worst case scenarios through journaling or talking with friends. (Journaling was the most helpful, as sometimes friends have trouble leaving their notions and judgements behind. The process has to be as open and forgiving as possible).

So that as new changes arise, and new fears are uncovered — the acceptance that I’ve built permeates these areas and allows me to see a different picture. One where people may come/leave/live on the periphery — but I am able to accept their positions as is in that moment. Where work life may not be ideal, but I am able to use time and resources to either further my endeavor or use it to work on other areas.

But it’s hard. To accept that you’re not perfect, that your situation isn’t ideal and you’re working with a hand of cards that can go in any directions, it takes a lot out of a person. And I’m still processing the constant change in all areas of life. But slowly and surely, my heart is starting to find peace. And the world doesn’t look as bleak as it once did. And I accept that there’s a lot that’s going to be changing for the good. (Because all change in the end, leads to betterment of ourselves, even if we don’t see it.)

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